bleh diwali

Its one night before diwali. I am not sure how I feel right now. I was
on a leave from office for some days. Life has stopped. Not that I am
complaining but there is a lot to be done and I have wasted lots of
time. So I am not really comfortable about the way things are.

That stupid paper is back again. God, I so dont want it to become a
part of my life like this. This time I really wanna be done away with
it. However if anyone would have observed my lifestyle for the last
month, he would have really thought that I am a really stupid person and am
wasting away my life.

I am so convinced about the fact that I dont know how to talk to
people on phone. I have never had even one conversation on phone after
which I feel at peace with myself. I almost am never able to say what
I want and to the extent I want to say. Its always something less or a
lot more. If a friend has called after a long time I always miss
asking about the right things. I am left with a lot of questions to
ask and almost the same amount of info about him as I had before the
phone call. There are other instances when some random person calls
and I end up saying all the crazy stuff that I have thought about all
day. I so feel like putting my huge foot in my even bigger mouth. And
Oh my God someone should listen to me when I am trying to give advice.
I am at my stupidest best. Its so completely embarassing.

Of all the kind of news I get, I hate the news about growing up stuff
the most. What I am trying to say is that when I get to know of people
doing all grown up stuff and all grown up things happening to them and
realising that I have to do these things too, its not a very great
thing for me. I totally relate to 'SID' from the movie except that he
was so bloddy rich. I dont like it when people are being all
responsible and stuff around me. Whats life without all the messiness
around? But I do realise that Sid had to become responsible in the
movie coz it doesnt work the otherway. Only then did he get the job
and the girl. This realisation is what I hate the most, coz I suck at
the "moving on" thing and growing up involves a lot of it. I want to
be the person I was in college. Everyone does I guess, but I feel that
they are a lot better at coping with this. I have sucked at it every
minute I have spent out of college.

I never have talked about college on my blog. I will just say if given
a chance I will like to change lots of things I did. Not Drams though.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I wish I was a writer. I so daydream about it. I would like to write a
lot of fantasy.