Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Last Smoke

She had appeared from no where. In his study, where he felt the safest, she had ventured without any difficulty, appearing from some dark corner of his room. He knew it could only be something super natural. God or some spirit which had appeared to fulfill its destiny and pass on to the next life. Her eyes reflected peace from somewhere out of this world but he could feel a much greater meaning behind it. As she silently sat on a chair in front of his, he looked at the most beautiful face he had ever seen, realizing not that death unlike all its descriptions was beautiful and after looking at it you want it more than anything else in the world. As the truth slowly dawned upon him he lighted a cigarette, silently pleading her to let him have a last smoke.

Sitting in his armchair he was having his last breaths. Long drawn breaths of nicotine. He would look at the cigarette after every long puff and see how his life got shortened by some more millimeters every time. He would then take a smaller puff but not fully enjoy it. He was amazed at how he had just asked for a cigarette as his last wish. His life did not flash by his eyes. But she knew how people always descended to asking only the smallest of favors in their last moments. The small things only symbolizing the triviality of their lives. He again looked up at the figure sitting in front of him.

She was smiling. Smiling at his desperation to somehow not burn the cigarette quickly and still get all the good out of it. She smiled at his confusion too, as he waited for some invisible fist to crush his heart. Death after all was a sadistic little bitch. Enjoying every moment of the final act like a pervert kid.

She walked up to his chair and took the burnt out cigarette from his trembling hands and led him towards probably the same dark corner from where she had come. She kissed him on the lips and he realized, why death was so painful. It was so much like love.

Friday, September 07, 2007

The Motley Crew

(L2R: polly, suarabh, swati, bhuwan, karan, arjun, me,silvia, sid)
(Place:- Daghsai Graveyard)
(Date:- 6/9/07, Time:- 1:40 pm)
(Purpose:- Raise HELL in a graveyard)


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Skeletons


Skeletons from the past...

Today my wallet got washed with my trousers. One by one i took out the remains and found some wormholes opening into a universe which i had long shut.

Found were the slushed remains of something i wrote about 4 yrs back, but every single alphabet of which was most important to me and still had 110 pc relevance.

Another piece of paper also surfaced, but this time it was a skeleton of cello tape which was supposed to protect it. Maybe tearing it down in anger was not the only way it could have perished.
I can recall the whole sequence of events through which this paper was passed on to me. I can recall the exact look in the eyes, the exact smile and the exact spot where this happened. The place has been shut down now. The smile is not there, the look is not for me.
Everyone said, "Bhupi, it was not meant to be".
These words have today crystallized into reality and in turn have dissolved into water what were the last remains of something which was special and very very dear.

Only things that were saved, some bank notes and coins...
if only we could buy love... i would have Rs 490 worth of love thingies....

Monday, September 03, 2007

Abandoned

(the touch of Death)

a life of colors
once promised, now no more
coz lost in some tumult
were all glimmers of hope
when his soul was traded
when his heart was sold
he trod the path unknown
looking for happiness
in strange places and strange eyes
coz the tears he had once shed
were now dry
it has ended now
his life of sorrow
under sheets of clay
inside a wooden box
he lays abandoned
unwanted, unmourned

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Taking a Break

After a very long time i spent some time at home on a weekend. Watched some TV, read some stuff, ate a lot and in the evening went to market for some groceries. Usual leisure time activities. Felt good.
Life has come full circle. Lot of things which were occupying my mind, many of my worries are now over. Right now I am at a place where time looks like a giant sea... flat and seamless. Not knowing what lies beyond the horizon, which is fast approaching, i am waiting to see how future unfolds.

~~

On 29th i tried my first cigarette. It was a promise i had made to myself. So i fulfilled it. Coughed through most part of it, so probably i am not in a position to comment if it was good or bad as nothing "hit"... and i was already high. Though I kinda love the thought of smoking with a cup of cutting chai on a rainy day or maybe with some black coffee but am not sure if I will be motivated enough to do it.
The judgment on smoking and smokers :- Reserved.

~~

These days i have started feeling lonely. Its a strange and a new feeling, um giving loneliness a chance... coz people have failed.

~~

Is it OK to tell people that they have a fucked up life and are still no way near getting it back on track. Also is it OK to tell them that they are committing the same mistakes again and will end up at the same place.

It Happens only in INDIA