More plans.

Lets see.

All the best to me.
--Bhupi

6:30 pm, 18th Dec 2010
I have a very bad feeling about something. I am waiting for a call from some corporate big shot(at least he is behaving as one)
If he doesnt call or if he calls and doesnt answer the questions I have already asked him via mail. I am FUCKED.


I ll keep posting my emotional status here so that later I can track how it all happened. How my ass got whipped? For the whole world to see.


9:30 pm, 18th Dec 2010
I still havent got any call. I have tried to get to the person through his dad also. Still he has not realized that he is not letting a future business leader clear his MBA.




I hate IITians.


10:30 pm, 18th Dec 2010
I called. I have to call at 11:30 am tomorrow.

12:03 pm, 19 Dec 2010
Yay Yay Yay.. I called and we discussed some queries I had. My ass will be saved now.

My next task is to clean my almirah and get rid of the mouse droppings and the mouse too ..hehehahahaha


--Bhupi

The Ohhh moment

Every time I start talking to an old friend, from where ever might the discussions begin they come to common point.

I try to avoid it as much as I can. However more often than not I am unsuccessful in doing that. It is that part of the conversation after which I generally start wondering why did I ever decide to ping/mail/call that old friend I am talking too. More often than not it is the part after which our conversations move towards their end. I call it the ohhhh moment.

This is it how it goes.

They ask something like, "are you seeing someone", "are you still single", "so dude, hows bhabhiji (wtf)" etc etc etc...

My replies are generally, "no", "yes", "fuck off man" respectively.

Now is when it happens. Every one and every time reply something that looks like "ooooohhhhh", "oh ho", "ohhhh hmmm"

Really irritates the hell out of me this oooohhhhhh. 

I have tried everything. Changing the topic midway or furiously typing random stuff so he or she do not get to type ohhh or oho or ohhh hmmm. Even if I go offline , they do make it a point to send an offliner.

I dont need these ohhh s and hmmmm s. 

I am happy the way I am .. I guess. Almost happy for sure .. but please your ohhhhs make me go aaaaahhhhh. So Stop.

#TrueStory

Sometimes she sleeping

Sometimes she's gone

I always end up hurting

When I call her at home

I can never understand…

Why my baby

Don't talk to me on the phone

She talks to her papa

She talks to her mom

But when I call her

She don't hear the tone

I can never understand

Why my baby

Don't talk to me on the phone

Why Why Why

She leaves me hanging

Why Why Why

She leaves me alone

Why Why Why

Its only me baby

Why Why Why

Please pick up the phone

I can never understand

Why she don't talk to me on the phone

Oh Man Oh Man Oh Man

I am reading this god awesome book. I am only halfway through it but have already gone through hundreds of emotions ( if that is what a book makes you go through).

Thank you Kokil for suggesting this one to me. This is exactly what I was asking for when I said k koi tedhi funde wali book padhni hai.

Ok.. this is it for now. I have to finish reading Kafka On the Shore.

coming back to life

~<0>~

After a very very long time I saw a play today. It was an adaptation of a play by Henrik Ibsen directed by Ila Arun. Some of very famous names in theater like Alyquee Padamesee were there. I was sitting few rows behind Shyam Benegal. Nostalgia is all that I feel whenever I enter a theater. Thank you God for such moments in life which make me feel alive. If I am lucky enough I will get to live that life again. Till then these memories will be cherished.

~<0>~

December last year was the worst time in my life. God I pray for happiness for my family and friends.

~<0>~

Also welcome to India Sid and princess... hope to see you guys very very soon.

~<0>~

When its her.. things are bound to get screwed.

Bitch

Its been one of my problems always. I have always thought life was simple.

Bitch aint.

I don’t know what to do with the information I now have.

Every time something related this one thing comes up I get screwed up.

 

Almost three years now… and I can’t get rid of this thorn.

Too much to pay for one thing…

aaarrrrggghhhhh

Wrong news from the wrong person and at the wrong time of course.

Feeling a little off today.

Diwali at Home.

I have never spent a Diwali away from home. So first I thank God for that and pray for never ever spending Diwali alone away from my family and Chandigarh.

Every year Dad and I put up lights one day before Diwali. Every year i get some sort of daant from Dad because I end up messing something up. Sometimes I break too many bulbs or sometimes its the stool on which I am standing falls. Also he tells me every year that I did not take my workshop lessons in college seriously because if I had taken them more seriously I would not be so clumsy with pliers and other electric stuff. Its not that I am incapable of doing it but on Diwali its a tradition. Something goes wrong. This year I cut the strings with which we tie the lights on the railing too short. I love spending pre Diwali day with my Dad.

Things have changed a lot. I do not burst crackers anymore. Its not because I care about the environment shit or whatever. I just dont feel very excited about them. I think its the growing up stuff that has happened with me. However I still love the paper scrap that is left after people burst a 1000 wali ladi. I still go to the terrace next morning and see how many rockets fell on our house last night. I love the smell of the smoke that fills the air after people are done with bursting crackers all night. I think the kids of this generation are big time wusses. They are scared of bursting crackers. Also their parents should encourage them to burst crackers. Their children in all probability will be facing only higher level of pollution and noise in future. Parents should prepare their children for future. Its ok if you burst crackers one night of the year. Not that Mt Everest will melt coz of that.

Now, I am not insensitive or anything but what I am going to say in the next few lines may offend people and make them think that I am. Lot of accidents happen on Diwali night. Many of them are caused by rockets flying in the wrong direction. There is a culprit behind this increased no of accidents due to these maverick rockets. And the culprit is Coca Cola company. In fact all soft drink manufacturers. Let me explain. Few years ago the size of rockets was not very large. They could easily fit in the 300 ml GLASS bottle. Now the glass was able to support the weight of the rocket and the rockets would go up and only up. Slowly the size of rockets started increasing and the 300ml bottle was not enough. However to solve the problem, people started using the 1 L Glass bottle. The rockets still flew str8 up. However these days the rocket size is at its largest and the soft drink bottlers have stopped using glass bottles. All you get are pet bottles. See pet bottles even large enough to handle the weight of today's rockets are not fit. When you light a rocket the fire coming out of its... err .. ass melts the bottle and it tilts in some stupid direction which is not up causing the rockets to go in whichever direction. This my friends causes so many accidents these days. Coke(or Pepsi, based on your taste) is to blame.

stupid

When the summers
Have just begun
When in the winters
You want to hold someone
Or when the rains
They just won't come

When the mornings
Are all the same
When in the evenings
You are a pretty dame
Or when the stars are
Just playing games

When you are feeling lonely
And the blues have got to you
Oh I ll be a song
Oh I ll be a song to you

Some unfortunate turn of events has led me to have an awful lot of free mind-time. I am bored again.
Its time to make some plans.

Metaphorical Kataap.

~<0>~

Story : There was a boy. Whatever he wanted, got screwed up. The slightest of hint expectation was enough to bring it all down. The boy was pissed.

~<0>~

Ok. Whatever was that Geeta Shloka about not having expectations, it is screwing my life big time. Anything I raise my hopes about, start looking forward to, want, need gets screwed up big time.

The only day I did not put my hopes up for a thing, it actually worked out well. I know, you can see a big learning in here, but I have like had it. Every other time I am left nursing my broken heart. You know why did I not put up my hopes up, coz I was not very excited about the thing. So, over the years, as I have observed my life I have to either not expect anything or lower my standards and accept whatever comes my way.

Am I supposed to live without ever aspiring anything. If not, then for how long do I have to go through this emotional grind. How is a person supposed to live and not want things, isn't this what makes us different from tables and chairs.

~<0>~

The last post has become a moot point now.

~<0>~

Oh Please Not Again

~<0>~

I am feeling a little "senti" tonight. I am afraid all the effort of last one and half year will go waste. Its hard being rational and non senti for a person like me. It was hard training my mind to focus on the so called right things(or the things which may make you feel less lonely). And I so don't want it to be like first few years in PEC. I don't want me to ruin my second shot at college life.

~<0>~

What the hell, I am feeling a "lot" senti tonight.

~<0>~

Please no comments.

~<0>~

ajnabee :)

~<0>~

eh raah lambi hai
par tere saath da koi bharosa nahi
is raen basere te ik hi raat katni hai
par is rat de mukkan da koi bharosa nahi

eh raat saadi mulakaat da sabab bani
par is raat di niyat theek nahi
is raat kalmoohi de dil wich
wasde dukh di hakeekat theek nahi

tu ajnabee hain mere kolo
par main tere dil da har raaz jaanda han
teriya akhaan jo birha da bhaeda geet ga rahiya han
main us da aanand maanda han

main v tolh reha haan tere hi waangan
ajnabiyaan wich puraane chehre
ajnabiyaan de mukho sun.ne chaahnda
oh kisse jo kade yaar si mere

jehda painda tureya nahi
usda beyaan kiwe kara
jehde yaar kade apne na ho sake
unhaan da ghumaan kiwe karaa

eh raah lambi hai
par tere saath da koi bharosa nahi
mainu tere saath di aas taan hai
ummeed nahi

~<0>~

Eshaan - Chalo its good you have met her. After that everything goes downhill.

~<0>~

I am trying to get back in the writing grove. This poem is an attempt, again, in that direction.

~<0>~

Here's a joke

~<0>~

Girl : I hate you. Get lost. I dont wanna talk to you. This relationship is over.
Boy : What happened. I love you. I havent cheated on you. Been totally faithful.
Girl : Shut up. I cant be with you... YOU DID NOT LIKE MY STATUS ON FACEBOOK.

~<0>~

Something very similar happened to me. Not the exact same thing but very very similar.

~<0>~

Jokes happen to you sometime. You cant always laugh at them. Sometimes life teaches you lessons the funny way. I learned mine.

~<0>~

its like you can place your finger on it. the small opening in your heart which is a much bigger void inside. but putting your finger on it doesn't plug the hole. it keeps shifting. from one part of your heart to another. things keep coming out of it. making the emptiness inside grow. you try desperately to do something but succumb to the fall. its a bottomless void that is evergrowing. You succumb and even the desire to finally grab hold of your heart, to crush it in your own palm so that the emptiness ends... goes away.

Dear Lord, please show us the way.

I am so so so scared right now but also I am so so so Happy :)

Oh but I am so so so Scared.



Edition: Jiska dar tha wahi hua :/

Heart or the Mind

~<0>~

Last 3 days went by like a storm. Busy Busy and Busy.

But this has sown some very important questions in my mind. In fact Mind or Heart is the big question here. Also your past mistakes come and bite you always and now they bit me on my ass. I feel stupid stupid stupid and this is all because of the bloody heart. Problem is that I am not sure whether following my mind will lead me to my aim this time.

There are some other questions but they might get answered if I am able to solve the above problem correctly.

I hate important questions. I hate the important questions, the answers to which you can only know after 2 years and your opinion of their importance may change with the benefit of hindsight.

~<0>~

I love the phrase 'benefit of hindsight'. It is one of those phrases which I feel are like so... apt. You see you can only have benefit of hindsight. You can never not-learn from a past experience, except if you are too stupid.

But stupidity is not really in ones hands. It is either in your Heart or your Mind.

~<0>~

The age of secrets has come big time. A friend of mine told me something very important few days after the thing happened. Few years ago this was out of question.

I understand his reasons of not telling very well and also identify with them at a level. Just that it has now set an example. Ab se koi kisi ko kuch nahi batayega.

Also I was not telling people stuff badi pahle se, so I am ok with the age of secrets.

~<0>~

I am playing a game with some people :P I may lose and it will feel bad like crazy but for now its game on guys. There are lot of factors but only two outcomes.

~<0>~

I hate people. Still.

~<0>~

I almost wrote a poem yesterday. I was called for a meeting.

~<0>~

US of A

Another friend of mine has gone to US. I feel so happy for him.

I am also sad coz I wont get to see one of my fav people as regularly as i used to.

Thus I am confused and its not letting me study for a stupid midterm.

However I will just pray for his wellbeing and awesomness and end here only as I have already screwed one mid term today.

This one is to Eshaan Agarwal and our friendship.

just for the sake of it posts

Its been almost 6 months (or more) since i last wrote a poem. Obviously I am not very proud of it.

Bschools are strange places. And I just heard about the quizzes which have been clubbed on the same dates as the mid terms and I have forgotten all what I was gonna write in this post. Time to shut down the heart once more.

shukraana

rahi bakhshda tu keete hoye kasoor daateya

saanu charna to karee na tu duur daateya

--virsa series

Ae dil mere
dekh sapna naya koi
bhar udaan firse
chuu aasmaan naya koi

Some last minute time wastage

I was planning a very senti/serious/sappy mail for saying goodbye to Noida. However I feel that I cant get senti over anything now and this is all Noida's doing. This city in spite of all its shortcomings(i do not want to start naming them) taught me how to be happy (or not sad). I do not get affected by most of things (people) which would kill me crazy few years back. Though I sometimes feel I have turned into a stone but (again) it doesn't bother me much.

I d though like to thank few people(not in any order) who were always with me through thick and thin in Noida,
Swati, Saurabh, Nik and I were the Chandaal Chaukdi at CSC. If not for them I d have certainly certainly gone mad. Lunch time was the best time at office and when even one of us was missing, due to some meeting or date or any other reason, lunch would lose its mazaa. I am thankful to them for tolerating my mood swings and mean sarcastic comments which they had to listen everyday. Noida would not have been same if you guys weren't there. I owe my sanity to you guys.
Pal and Moni.. two people I have great respect for. Have learnt a lot from them. Can never forget all night discussions with Pal( in both good and bad way). Lansdowne trip will always be a special memory. The night outs where we would just eat and eat and eat and laugh and laugh and laugh were high points in the otherwise dull life. I thank them for great times spent together and for being there when I desperately wanted to talk to someone in Punjabi. I thank them for teaching me how to keep smiling always. Its important.
Pranav Kumar Kedia. He is one genius of a person and I love him. My other roomie at 616, we used to have some crazy ass discussions all night long. Will never forget his contribution of Uchhalo , Fodo and Machao words in my vocab. The 2-3 times we got sloshed at home were one of the most entertaining times I had.
Puneet and Raman though entered the noida scene quite late but it d be unfair and stupid to leave them out(also they might kill me otherwise). With them it is a crime to get tired and being ready for some random trip to anywhere is of utmost necessity. One crazy couple they are.. chuza and I had to be careful around them. Their fights were scary but were easy to control as only some paranthas at sukhdev or tikkas at BP market would be enough to calm these two crazy punjabis.
The Family(Bhuwan Jaggi Sam together with Swati) were my default set when I wanted to drink and saurabh was reluctant. Their home was always full of "Spirits" even though sometimes we had to fight for last drops of water. Punctuality got a new definition when something was to be planned with these guys. A merry bunch of people. There home was the venue whenever a party had to be planned.

These guys should in no way think that they have got rid of me. This post was just for remembering the good times in Noida and because I cant sleep after a rather strong late night coffee at Barista 35.

--B

Vacancy

I am in search of a muse.
Only freshers should apply.

The Last Thursday :P

~<0>~

Today is my last Thursday at CSC. A friend just pointed it out to me and I was like, "Oh yeah, never thought about it like this". So to celebrate this very ordinary day of an ordinary week I have decided to write here once again. Also this post is coming straight from my office desktop which is visible to anyone who passes by my seat. But like the two years I have not worried about getting caught while fb'ing or more recently tweeting during office hours, I will go ahead and finish this rather ordinary post.

~<0>~

See basically I do not have much new to say. Just that the depressing times I was going through some months back are now over.
I feel a little surer of myself again and I hope this will stay for sometime.

I have re started blogging coz <let me be grossly unfair to my friends here> I do not have any friends. Basically I needed somwhere to spew my bakwaas at :D

~<0>~

A post deadicated(intentional) to Noida(now you know why) is inline.

~<0>~

Sold Out

I do not know for sure, but something has happened to the... ummm.. intellectual in me.
It sounds a little(or a lot) pretentious, but I guess it has died up on me.
I have been having this feeling for some months now and I have admitted it to some people, albeit, in different contexts.
A lot of selfishness has crept in. I do not care for things which seemed important to me earlier. Shallowness has seeped in, deep. Have I sold out too cheaply? Or am I just too busy.

Dont feel stimulated by anything. Maybe the events of past few months have had their toll on me.

I am reminded of the ending of the play "kaho ripudaman". A poet soul is murdered.

did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

Mr Know it All

It was good yesterday.
Drams, ATMs and American Gods

blue pill or the red pill

~<0>~

Ok here I am two days away from an event which could prove to be the culmination of the foolishness I have been indulging myself in for the last 6 years. I am a little scared. I might have said it earlier too. Actually you see... a lot depends on what happens in coming few days. I know whatever the result is, I am going to be a changed person. I will finally settle with the fate that life is not going to be what it should ideally be or at least what I wanted it to be. 

I have seen people change into... zombies, if I may say that. Its my time now.

~<0>~

Also in movies there are times when the protagonist gets a bike and drives to nowhere.

~<0>~

--Bhupi

bhoopi doopi do? what to do?

Note for self -- your blog is not twitter.

Extremely fidgety.

~<0>~

Some interesting things have happened in last 24 hrs.

~<0>~

Sorry for these one line posts, but this might be continuing for some more time.

~<0>~

Some days books and good music dont work.

Snap.

...: Chalo ik baar phirse Ajnabi ban jayein humdono :...

The only problem I find in pissing off everyone is that there wont be anyone left to piss off.

I am not an Artist

~<0>~

maano agar mil jaye khushi
tum ko kahi bazaar mien jaakar
kya khush kar paoge khudko
4 sikke gham k badle aadha hissa sukoon ka paakar

kis baniye se loge sauda
udhaar ka shayad karke waada
kaise ye pata karoge
kaunsa brand chalega zaada

geeli aankho se duur hi rakhna
guarantee card pe likh rakha hoga
par kya aankho ko tok sakoge
saari umr jab dukh hi hai bhoga

~<0>~

Read Saikat's story today, loved it and listened to a song with god awesome lyrics and one crazy hell beautiful voice. I get inspired by people who are good at anything artistic. It prods me to attempt, albeit shoddily, things few years back I never imagined myself doing. Writing and acting top the list. Photography and Painting are new things to take shot at.

It must feel really good to be an artist. But are Artists happy people?
I hope I am able to know the answer one day.

~<0>~

I miss drams more than anything from college.

~<0>~

~<0>~

Its so easy to see the green grass
and so fulfilling to be on the other side
of the other side

~<0>~

God blah blah

I ask for just one ounce of sense and half an ounce of luck this year.
Sorry dont have a prescription... only a hint of stupidity and a scar of bad times.